Get Ready to Rumble!
by Airess Byrd
Summary: Jin gets beat up by a wrestler. Post Episode III spoilers


Standard disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga or any related stuff. I do, however, own Bob the Butcher. evil grin

AN: Um… hi? This… oneshot sprang from the oddest of ideas. I have the feeling that I am going to have every Jin fangirl on the planet wanting to kill me after this is all over. sigh The things I do in the name of love…

WARNING: THIS FIC HAS POST EPISODE III SPOILERS!!! I REPEAT: SPOILERS!!!

You have been warned :)

(Yes, Jin is going to be humiliated and beat up in this story… sigh I don't hate the character, contrary to what you may think after reading this. I am only adding this for two reasons. One, so if you love Jin to death and can't stand to see him get hurt, you can close your window or click Back RIGHT NOW. Two, well, Jin gets his ass handed to him. It's going to be violent. See, that's why it's rated for teens. For all the swearing and beating-up-ness. Hee, Ness. He was cool. Reminded me too much of Ash though… without Pikachu. Boy, I hated that electric rat. (long story))

Perhaps I should give some background info for this fic first? Well for starters, I love Xenosaga, and I am a mild Jin fangirl. Not crazy in love with the character or whatnot, but I like the character well enough. Well… my fiancé is like the antithesis of a Jin fan. He hates the character with a passion. Why? Heh… that… my fault. See, I first played Episode III at his house. Jin was one of my main party members (the others being MOMO and KOS-MOS, chaos, and Jr. alternately) and my fiancé kinda thought Jin was okay. Well, after I got Episode II and played it at his house… I put Jin in that loincloth swimsuit, and the next thing I heard was "MY GOD! MY EYES! I CANNOT SEE! NO!" Okay, going out on a limb here, but his view of the samurai was never the same again. snicker I made a funny… Ahem… And then I done the unthinkable… I continuously teased him about it. I won't go into details, but let's just say it bordered on the line of torture. In his opinion. Heh.

So, what does this story have to do with anything about that? This is… sorta retribution for my fiancé. Oh, and he's an obsessed wrestling fanatic. Hence, Bob the Butcher. sigh I am so going to die for this…

Please, do not take any of this seriously! It is just humor!!!! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!! Oh, and in terms of timeline, I guess one could say this takes place after Episode III… hence why T-Elos is in this story. Yes, I know that Jin and KOS-MOS are dead after the game. You don't have to tell me. 'Kay? ;

Get Ready to Rumble!

It was a quiet night on Second Militia. The moon hung low in the sky at half quarter. Not too many stars showed in the sky because of all of the lights from the buildings down below. The city hummed with life as cars and buses quickly zoomed by and people quickly went about their business.

Shion and Allen had to go back to Vector headquarters to work on KOS-MOS or something. Jr. raided the city in hopes for the perfect firearms, or book, MOMO wasn't sure which. But like a good little girl, the cute, pink haired Realian followed her friend. Ziggy said that he had to "help" Juli Mizrahi "file" endless reports, and it would take all night long. No one knew where chaos had gone off. No one dared asked.

"Oh, it's nothing," He had stated. "Just going to wander the city in a deep, melancholy state and ponder the meaning of my meaningless existence on this mortal plane. Or, why the toast always landed butter side down. Or why my hot white pants make my pe…"

Everyone had to shut him up for that one. And then they quickly ran off.

So, this lead the lone samurai, Jin Uzuki to wander the city alone, at night, with nothing else better to do. The late summer night was incredibly hot, so Jin thought the best thing to do would be to put on his swimsuit.

It had helped. He did feel a little cooler, but he was still sweating. So, he thought he would go into the local bar and get some nice, cool sake'.

Little did he know, he was being watched by two figures.

Jin didn't care how many stares he was attracting. After all, he was use to this. The black kimono he always wore made people think he was a woman, or a man in drag. The long, layered bangs that were parted to the sides of his face and the long ponytail didn't help his case, either.

But Jin sat at the bar, sipping his sake' and grinned. Boy, was it a great night to be alive. Hm…wasn't he supposed to be dead by the end of Episode III or something? Heh, maybe he had just one too many sips of his sake'. He was thinking all crazy.

The door to the bar suddenly shattered and a tall, slim woman gracefully entered the establishment. She was clad in nothing by a tight, formfitting bodysuit, boot, gloves, and a visor over her face. Her dark skin contrasted her white hair.

T-Elos grinned as a second figure entered the bar. The man stood at six-foot five and weighed 300 pounds. He was a tall, imposing man with long black hair and a long beard. His well toned, muscular figure was clad in a white, tight shirt that was stained with red blotches, and a pair of jeans. He had on a butcher's apron around his waist and was holding a giant meat cleaver.

Jin blinked as the two walked over to where he was sitting at the counter. Because the author believes in mercy, everyone within a fifty-mile radius quickly ran out of the bar to join Jr. in his unending quest to find his book. Or firearms. Whichever came first, MOMO figured.

So, Jin was a powerful warrior in his own right. But he hadn't felt fear this bad since that one time that Margulis gave his imposing speech about how U-TIC could control the Zohar with the use of the pikachu. Jin shuttered at the memory.

"YOU!" the man roared upon seeing Jin's, scandalously clad body.

T-Elos made a face. "By the giant zucchini in chaos' pants! What the hell are you wearing?!"

"It… was hot," Jin said in his trademark voice. You know, the cool, calm, and collective voice that made fangirls that was twenty years younger than Jin, squeal in delight… and other things. Ahem. "So, I decided to put on something a little more comfortable."

"UGH!" T-Elos groaned. "Wasn't the kimono that SHOWED LEG enough for all right thinking people in the world?! Must you torture us with…" T-Elos pointed at the loincloth. "THAT?!"

The big man turned to T-Elos. "Is that the man that you were talking about?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Jin looked confuse. "T-Elos, what are you up to? I thought that KOS-MOS absorbed you in order to revive the Will of Mary?"

"HA!" T-Elos cackled. "Like that little android could EVER defeat me! I am the mighty T-Elos!"

"Er…"

"Right," T-Elos grinned. "I am no longer interested in becoming the perfect Mary Magdalene. Instead, I have turned my sights upon something even worthier…"

"And that is…?"

"I AM A WRESTLING MANAGER!!! MAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Okay…?"

"I get to find opponents for the big guy here to beat the living shit out of! After he saw your scandalously clad body on the posters all over the city, he just HAD to meet you," T-Elos smirked.

The man cracked his neck and grinned. "I am Bob the Butcher," Bob said as he hefted his meat cleaver over his shoulder.

Jin quickly crossed his legs. Bob laughed.

"Like you actually HAVE one of those! No, the meat cleaver is just a prop I use to bring to the ring," Bob cracked his knuckles. "No, I usually use the TLC method of fighting."

"Tender, loving care?" Jin whimpered.

"Tables, ladders, and chairs," Bob grinned.

"Eep!"

Bob grabbed Jin by the ponytail and grimaced. "T-Elos, remind me to take a long, hot bath after this. I am going to have to sanitize myself after touching this little, gay man."

Bob got a good look at the back of Jin's loincloth. "Oh, and scrub my eyes with a wire brush, too."

"Can't we talk about this?!" Jin whimpered in a small voice.

"No," Bob roared as he slammed Jin's head right into the counter. He then let loose of Jin's ponytail and punched him right in the face, breaking his nose in the process. He then skull bashed Jin and then hefted him right into the air and body slammed him.

Jin cried like a little girl as he felt the full weight of the large man land on his spine. Jin screamed as Bob twisted his arms and legs and made Jin into a human pretzel. He then hefted Jin upright and turned his head into a human punching bag.

T-Elos grabbed up two chairs and slammed them down on Jin's body. Bob ripped out the TV set and slammed it over Jin's head. Bob slammed his fists into Jin's stomach and T-Elos sucker punched him in the balls.

Both joined hands and river danced atop of Jin's head. T-Elos then did a jig and Bob body slammed Jin again. Both grabbed stools and broke them over Jin's body once again.

Both crushed bottles of cheap booze on Jin's head. Bob was even nice enough to crack the saucer that held the sake' in it over Jin's head.

Bob finally hefted up his meat cleaver and looked over at the sad, pathetic little man cowering in the corner in the fetal position. "My work here is done."

Jin was wheeled out of the bar, on a gurney. He was now in a full body cast. Shion blithely shook her head in disappointment as Allen and others looked on.

"If you had only taken those sensitivity classes like I had told you, you won't be in the mess you are in right now. But would you listen to me? Noooo. You didn't want to consider other people's feelings. You just blow through life and not consider other people's feelings and blah, blah, blah…"

Allen rolled his eyes and checked his watch. He wondered if he had time to get another quicky in with Shion before they had to go back to Vector headquarters and finish "fine-tuning" KOS-MOS.

Now, if Shion would only shut up…

Bob and T-Elos grinned as they watched as the paramedics put Jin in the ambulance and speed off to the nearest hospital. T-Elos turned to Bob and snickered.

"So, who's next on our hit list?" T-Elos grinned.

"Ah," Bob said, while looking down at the list. "It says here someone named Brock Slate…"

The End

AN: looks around you still reading? You're still here? Yipee! Okay. We are done. I hope that you enjoyed this story and I hope you didn't take any of this seriously. I hope you liked it and I hope that I don't have to be chased off the net by an angry lynch mob of rabid Jin fangirls carrying torches and pitchforks.

Well, um please review and tell me what you think? Even if it is to flame me from Cancun and back. PLEASE?

Hey look at it this way, I didn't kill off Jin. Now did I?

Anyway, read and review

6


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